


what came first, humans or despair?

by slytherns



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 08:43:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12317604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherns/pseuds/slytherns
Summary: the name of the dead lover dies on the boy's lips and is never heard again.





	what came first, humans or despair?

**i.** he's dead.  
maybe there's something else to say about this story.  
maybe there's a punchline in-between his last breaths. maybe there's a lesson to learn from this experience.  
but the boy only knows that it hurts to be a man, that is hurts to be a beast. ( but he can't be both. )  
the golden boy only has eyes for the dead lover and wants to scream. his lungs are already filled with smoke but the pyre isn't made yet. he can already feel the phantom flames. _stop, stop._ it already feels too much like hell and he wants to say, _sweetheart, come back. save me once again._  
_maybe there's a joke in there, somewhere,_ he thinks. maybe god is laughing right now. so his eyes go up to the sky.  
it's not a prayer. not exactly.  
it feels like sending a letter and hoping for a response when you forgot to write the address.  
it feels like waking up a sunday morning, believing you have to be somewhere else.  
it's not right and feels too much like loss or but it's pure,  
hopeful. 

**ii.** he's dead.  
everyone is talking about it but no one gives the story a proper title.  
it's a love story without enough romance, a sad ending without enough despair.  
it's a tragedy in which nobody was prepared for the ending.  
and the boy feels like the dead lover should be remembered for the way his lips curled upward,  
his smile; a small sun.  
he shouldn't be remembered for the coldness of his corpse or the dying of his grace.  
he wants to say, _it was so much more than a story. it was me, and him, and so much love we weren't able to express._  
so the boy murmurs, the boy stops pleading and starts talking.  
the boy has the dead lover's name on his lips at all times.  
the boy says, _cas, cas, cas_ , like it's a song, like it's more than the name of a dead angel, like it's worth everything.  
if his grief had a currency, it'd probably be this name he can't stop breathing.  
one day, a familiar-looking angel (they all do) comes to the boy and says, arshly:  
"you killed him. how do you still manage to make him dirty, even in death? unholy is a poor word to describe you - he died for nothing. he was dead long before his cold dead body hit the ground. are you happy, now?"  
the question feels important.  
_are you happy now?_  
is there even happiness to have, now that cas is dead? 

the name of the dead lover dies on the boy's lips and is never heard again. 


End file.
